THE POETRY OF FART LOGIC books (Barnyard Gas, “CS” [TOXIC] GAS, Elevator Gas, High Octane Gas, Laughing Gas, Legal Gas, Natural Gas, Nerve Gas, Conflatulations to You, Bachelor oFarts, Breaking Wind, Brain Farts, and The Best Of Fart Logic Volumes I, II, and III) are the result of many years of practicing “ Psycho Fartology.” Dr. Wolfgang (German for the Latin Canis Lupis) has skillfully harnessed this science to produce these quirky, outrageously ridiculous passports for good mental health. They are guaranteed to be a cure for boredom, for killing time, and for expressing a thought not otherwise kosher or ethical.
I’d Like to Send Her Flowers and Sign His Name
I’d like to send her flowers and sign his name
I’d like to send love notes and pretend it was him
I’d like another’s love for her to proclaim
And thereby this woman from my pocketbook trim
It’s not easy to dump my paramour
Or disengage from our unwanted, worn out tie
Hurt feelings is what disengaging underscore
It’s best I move on by avoidance or lie
An end to our relationship is what I need
A new surrogate is what I must frame
Into her fantasies I have to feed
I have to send her flowers and sign his name.